Rupert went to his first AA meeting on Valentine’s Day, the 14th February 1998, at Sheen Park in Richmond on a Saturday evening where he met Happy Dennis and Posh Alan. At the end of the meeting Dennis and Alan got Rupert a cup of tea and gave him various pieces of literature including a pink card that said “Great Feeling in Ealing” which contained the daily suggestions. Dennis suggested he tried these when he got home that night. Dennis then called Rupert the next day, on the landline, and asked if he had tried the suggestions to which Rupert answered “he had” and he has remained sober ever since.

Rupert then started attending the “Vision for You” meeting in Victoria on a Wednesday evening and the Friday night Ravenscourt Park meeting, which were both offshoots of the “Joys of Recovery” meetings in London, where he got his first sponsor David C.

The month after Rupert went to his first meeting (March 1998) Donald and John B, who both attended the “Joys of Recovery” meetings, set up the Tuesday night Ormond Road meeting in Richmond. Not long after it opened Rupert started attending regularly and was soon to ask Donald to be his sponsor and this meeting remained Rupert’s Home Group for the next 22 years.

A few years later John B along with a few other members of the Ormond Road meeting, including Rupert, Edward and Lis, set up the two Beginners and Step meetings at Kingston Hill (now at Hampton Wick) on Friday nights and arranged for the inmates of the Priory in Roehampton to attend each week.

Many of us who know Rupert first came across him at these meetings and will never forget the joy and laughter he brought to the room every week with his distinctive voice, passion for the program, funny stories and his absolute joy for life.

I first met Rupert at the Friday lunchtime meeting in Epsom in the summer of 2004 where he was doing the chair. To say he made an impression on me would be an understatement as he completely blew me away. I’d been to a few AA meetings and although I was still drinking I was attracted to the fun and enjoyment most people in AA were having. Rupert took this to another level with a really inspirational chair where amongst other things he talked about the immense pleasure he gained from giving up his time to run a thing called the “Children’s Shakespeare Company” free of charge on Saturday afternoon’s for teenagers.

At the end of the meeting Rupert came up to me and asked if I was a newcomer and I said I was. He then said “Do you mind if I take your phone number as my sponsor suggests it helps me in my recovery if I call newcomers and ask them how they are doing”. To tell you the truth I didn’t know what he was talking about but I gave him my number. As it turns out Rupert never called me (his forgetfulness was legendary) but he was the first person who had asked for my number and he spent some time talking to me and encouraging me to get a sponsor.

That weekend I had my last drink and on the Tuesday I set out to get a sponsor (I spent all day Monday in bed recovering). On the Friday I went to the Kingston Hill meeting. I went there specifically because I was advised not to go as “they are all happy clappy up there”. Luckily that person was very miserable so it worked as a bit of reverse psychology.

As it turned out (coincidentally!!!) Rupert was the sponsorship co-ordinator so I plucked up the courage to ask him. I’ll never forget how the conversation went. I said “I’m thinking of asking you to be my sponsor” to which he replied “Well, are you thinking about it or are you asking me?” I said “I’m asking you” then he said “Well, it would be an honour and a privilege” then I started crying ….. And I was soon to find out “it’s an honour and a privilege” was Rupert’s favourite saying as everything was an honour and a privilege to him.

Before I left the meeting that night Rupert had given me the same suggestions to do as Dennis had given him, including getting on my knees in the morning and evening and most importantly looking out for newcomers at every meeting I went to.

Just like with Rupert I have remained sober ever since, the last 16 and a half years, and I have tried to follow Rupert’s example along the way. We have shared the same two Home Groups for most of our time in AA, and at every single meeting I’ve seen Rupert extend his hand to newcomers, taking their number, calling them, encouraging them and always sharing for the newcomer. He’s been an inspiration to me and the power of example, by doing what he does not doing what his says, has been the driving force.

That power of example was in evidence from when I first met Rupert. I remember he used to give Dave the Leg (or Dave the Leg “Singular” as we called him because he only had one leg) a lift to and from the meeting, although he had to go well past the meeting itself to pick Dave up and then he’d take him shopping in Asda on the way home.

Everything Rupert ever told me to do at the meetings was based on helping the newcomer. Get there an hour early, go to the meeting after the meeting, always share for the newcomer, do service, call newcomers and the key for me was this was all the things he was doing himself. He wasn’t sitting there telling his sponsees what to do. He was doing it himself and if you wanted what he had you could do it yourself. The choice was always mine. And it never felt like hard work or a lot to do as I could feel the benefit of doing it and I felt good for doing it, which in itself is a great incentive to continue doing it ….. And he said it was always to be looked upon as an honour and a privilege to be allowed to do it.

In all those years Rupert has never told me what to do except for two things. He said that if I felt good I had to say I was feeling good as that was what newcomers wanted to hear. I was forever telling him I thought I was annoying people by doing so, especially in the early weeks and months, but he assured me I wasn’t and it was just self centeredness. I’m still pretty sure I was annoying some people but the desire to want what Rupert had was more of a pull than upsetting a few people so I continued to do so.

The other thing was I always had to “carry the message”. Rupert told me it was my duty to do so and that was what the meetings were for.

Everything else was a suggestion and it was up to me if I wanted to do it or not, although it was pretty clear these were not Rupert’s suggestions, they were the same guidance Donald was giving to Rupert and the same things that were being suggested to everyone else at our Home Groups. Rupert would always say either “My sponsor suggested …..”, “In my experience …..” or “What worked for me was …..”

He never said “Do this” or “Do that” and he would never take sides in any resentment or argument I had. He would just point out the spiritual answer or the process outlined in the Steps and the Big Book for dealing with the situation. This normally involved not doing what I thought was best and looking at the situation from the other persons perspective, not that I always took that guidance and therefore paid the penalty many times.

I heard a story the other day about an old timer offering to swap his 30 years of sobriety for the newcomer’s 30 days. I would do that in an instant. Just thinking back to those early days at Ormond Road and Kingston Hill with all the characters and the energy and power in both rooms. They were always packed and getting in to share was a mission on its own, the meetings after the meeting with 20 to 30 people at Pizza Express then Nando’s, the fun, the laughter and with Rupert right at the heart and centre of it all. You’d get there and look around the room and think “Wow, this is going to be good tonight”. The atmosphere was electric and it was exhilarating just to be there. It was more like a night’s entertainment than anything else. It really does remind me of the saying “Rocketed into a Fourth Dimension of Existence” from the Big Book, that’s how I felt every time I went.

When I was a couple of years sober Rupert opened the Twickenham Green meeting on a Thursday night and I gave him a hand once it opened. Rupert always loved to put on AA events as he loved the fellowship aspect and being in and around people enjoying themselves and having fun. I remember we put on a couple of “Curry Nights” at Twickenham Green where we had the curry and some live entertainment at the venue after the meeting.

We also went out for a few “Comedy Nights” in particular visiting the Rose Theatre in Kingston where we had about a hundred people turn up for the nights out. Then there were the fellowship trips to the seaside and Ormond Road had the Christmas Panto each year. We used to bring our kids to the Panto but when they got too old we kept going anyway as it was such a good afternoon out.

Rupert also opened the Whitton Saturday morning meeting on his own and we opened the Esher Saturday evening meeting along with Viv and Kieran. At Esher we ran two or three Mini Conventions which had hot food for a hundred plus people in the evening, organised by Paula. Rupert would be the Compere for the evening’s entertainment, a role in which he was in his element. The entertainment included live bands, raconteurs, comedy sketches, bag pipes (by Alistair), poems, disco’s, etc and they were always a fantastic success. Rupert always measured the success by how much fun everyone had over everything else, it was always about making other people feel good about themselves and having a good time.

Rupert was again the driving force behind opening the Raynes Park Wednesday night meeting and we had plans for many fellowship activities which unfortunately we hadn’t got round to yet. It such a daunting experience to do things like this but with Rupert’s energy and enthusiasm even the planning was an enjoyable experience.

We’ve had dinner parties at Rupert’s house, or “Supper” as he’d call it, with his wife Carole and daughters Angharad and Morgan and at my house, or at Michele’s house over the years. There would be various combinations of myself, Sparky, Nick the Greek, Viv, Michele and a few others which were such great evenings or as Rupert described them “most excellent”. We were just talking nonsense really, taking the mickey out of each other and having a great laugh.

We also used to go and see Rupert acting in various Shakespeare plays in London. I’m not really sure why we went as none of us knew anything about Shakespeare and couldn’t really understand what they were saying or what was going on but it was always good to be in Rupert’s company as you’d know you’d have a good night out.

Three or four times each year a group of us would go up for a night out to the Road to Recovery meetings in Kensington and a couple of times a year a car load would go down to Strood and Rochester in Kent. We knew all these guys from the Vision and we knew they’d all go to the meeting after the meeting so it was a whole evening’s entertainment. There would be Rupert, myself, Viv, Sparky, Nick the Greek, Kieran and a few others and they were always nights to remember.

And our favourite event of the year would always be the Canterbury Reunion each summer which was right up Rupert’s street as it mainly involved messing about in the outdoors with lots and lots of other AA members. There would be 150 people on a 7 mile walk to the seaside, bbq on the beach, swimming in the sea, Rupert was one of the few who would always go in the water, then a disco in the evening and you could never get Rupert off the dance floor to go to bed. The whole weekend involved sitting outside in the sunshine drinking coffee, playing football and cricket with the odd AA meeting thrown in for good measure. Rupert was in his element.

I suppose everyone has got their own funny story or memory of Rupert from the meetings over the years. I’ve always thought one of the funniest one was when his family went to the seaside with the dog and they went swimming in the sea on a very cold day. When Rupert got out he was incandescent with rage when he saw Carole drying the dog with his beach towel. He said to Carole “Sometimes I think you love that dog more than me” to which Carole never answered. Then on the way home a song came on the radio about hating your wife and Rupert kept turning the volume up!!! His self deprecating good humour with that distinctive educated voice always brought a smile to my face. In fact it is right now just thinking about it.

Or he’d always say in the meetings about never missing your Home Group and his first sponsor telling him “If there was a £1 million in an envelope on your chair at the meeting, would you be there?” He said “Of course I would” then he sponsor would say “Well this is more important than £1 million, this is your life we’re talking about” ….. If he ever missed his Home Group, which was a very rare occasion, myself and Sparky would be texting him all evening telling him “We’ve got the envelope” and “if you’re not here next week we’re gonna spend the money”.

I’ve also spent a lot of time in Rupert’s company outside of AA and the thing that sticks out is the amount of his time he gives to others. I’ve lost count of the times I’ve seen him up a ladder painting for example and his phone would go off. He’d always answer it and spend 10 minutes or so speaking to a sponsee and then before he’s got back to the top of the ladder the phone would go off again and he’d answer it again.

He was the same with dogs or he was with our dog anyway. He’d arrive at the house and start playing with Alfie at the front door giving him the full belly rub and shoulder massage for a full 10 minutes. We’d leave him to it, go inside and have finished our cup of tea before he’d even join us. Actually I loved what Rupert said to his daughter Morgan the last time he saw her in hospital when he said he was going to be reincarnated as a dog so he could come back and get her hugs. Lovely.

Then the ultimate selfless act came right at the end when he went back into the hospital on the Thursday, he had a positive test for Covid and pneumonia and he was told by the doctors he only had a few days to live although he never told us that. He then spoke to or text all his close friends on the Friday effectively to say goodbye without actually saying goodbye. He would never do anything to upset anyone or put a downer on their day but wanted to contact them one last time. I felt so good and positive after he called me that I actually went out and bought him some presents to enjoy during his recuperation as I’d convinced myself he’d be okay. Then on the Saturday he had 30 minutes each with his daughters and passed then away on the Sunday.

What I’ve learnt from Rupert is there’s no point saying it’s unfair or getting the hump as there’s isn’t anyone one up there directing the traffic deciding who’s going to get ill and who’s not. He told me you don’t have to go looking for the Power as we’ve all got the Power, we’ve just got to turn the Power on for the Sunlight of the Spirit to shine. And we turn the Power on by constant thought of others and how we may help them, trying to bring joy, fun and laughter into their lives through self sacrifice, which is what Rupert has done through the power of example all of the time I have known him.

I do feel good at the moment and everything in my life is going very well so I know Rupert would insist that I keep telling people that, which I will, but I have been very sad these last couple of weeks especially when I think of Rupert. My overriding memory is of Rupert walking into the room as I always thought to myself “Oh good, Rupert’s here”. It didn’t matter where or when it was, whether you knew he was coming or not, or regardless of how good a time you were already having, I just knew as soon as Rupert arrived it would be even better.

I can’t start to imagine how Carole, Angharad, Morgan and the rest of his family must feel as I was heartbroken when I heard the news. In fact every time his name came up during the first week or so I started to cry as I know I’ll miss just being in his company and listening to his amazing and soothing voice. Now I’ve started talking to him which has helped, as has going to meetings and hearing all the nice things people have to say about Rupert and all the great memories they’ve shared as he truly was a great man.

It has been the absolute honour and privilege of my life to have known Rupert overall these years and to have been lucky enough to have spent so much time in his company. God bless you Rupert, I love you and will miss you so much xxxxx

Billy