I’ve been thinking a lot about what to even begin to say, and I guess trying to define what I miss the most about my darling friend, Paul, and of course it’s the whippet quick wit, the pre pub beige tapas, the shared secret side eyes, the grandad to my nana… but it’s the way he made me feel, I think. A feeling of safety comes in many forms- it’s not just how he would walk me home to make sure I didn’t get murdered between Brewers and my front door, it was how I knew if we were out doing something together, we were really in it together, he’d explain the rules of rugby to me (again) and point out the hot ones when they were on the screen so I was involved, he’d be right there behind me singing just as loud to Sugababes, he’d listen and laugh at all the right bits of my (I’m sure not always riveting) stories but also be able to eye roll me from 50 yards with the most wry ‘oh baaaaabe’ I have or will ever, hear just when I needed it. Everything together made me feel understood, safe and loved, and I will miss that forever. Now all I can hope for is that he felt the same, because he was (is), so so loved.

Paul, I’ll miss you, and us, forever. Thank you doesn’t seem enough, but from my heart and soul, thank you for the light you brought me, now sleep well babe, I love you.